The Feeling Triad, Identity and Shame

The three Types in the Feeling Triad - the Two, Three and Four - have common issues around identity. All three Types, growing up, got the message that they were not valued for who they are which leads them to work on developing a self that they feel will be more acceptable. They do this in different ways however:

- The Two, fearing that they are unloveable, tries to garner love by being 'good', doing selfless things and being helpful.

- The Three seeks value by being outstanding, by achieving and by becoming that which represents value in their culture - such as being successful, looking a certain way or owning objects which they think may confer value on them.

- The Four looks inwards and creates an identity based on feelings, fantasies and their own personal story. They seek to establish an identity based on being 'different' which will set them apart.

All the personality Types, to some extent, are concerned with presenting a certain image of themselves to the outside world. However the Feeling Types are concerned with not only presenting an image to others but also to themselves which is a way of dealing with underlying feelings of shame. This is the area of narcissistic wounding which explains why it can be particularly painful for these Types to be confronted by the realisation that others do not see them as they want to be seen.