How we deal with disappointment

The Enneagram believes that there are three main ways we deal with disappointment and things not going our own way.

Firstly there are those who take a positive outlook on the situation. However disappointed they may be they tend to reframe their disappointment by finding something positive to concentrate on. A project may have been rejected, for example, but they may say things like 'well, at least we completed it on time' or 'we set out to do what we planned to do, even if they didn't like it'.

Secondly, there are those who become emotionally reactive. These are the people who tend to need to let off steam about the situation. They respond in accordance with their feelings - they become emotional in some way (for example angry) and think of themselves as 'being real' about the problem.

Thirdly there are those who try to work out what went wrong and what they need to do to fix it. They look at a problem fairly dispassionately and, according to their competences, try to work out what needs to be done to resolve it.

Each of the above is represented in the Enneagram Types. There are three Types that have a positive outlook, three who are emotionally reactive and three who have a competency approach. It is important to say that no one way of dealing with disappointment is better than another. The issue is that we tend to be habitually stuck in one response pattern when, in fact, certain situations may be better served by our responding differently. Which group do you think you fall into? And which Enneagram Types are in which group?